Love Like A Brother, Love Like A Man
by Atomic Jello
Summary: The line between brotherly intentions and those of a lover is dangerously thin. Gokudera crosses it to be received in open arms. 5927


Title: Love Like A Brother, Love Like A Man

Summary: The line between brotherly intentions and those of a lover is dangerously thin. Gokudera crosses it to be received in open arms. 5927

A/N: Well, writing a Reborn fic is out of character for me, and I probably would never actually do it on my own, but, well, this is a birthday present to my friend Shirley. Also, the characters are probably really out of character since, well… I've only gotten as far as Pole Knocking. So, because I know next to nothing about Reborn, this isn't going to follow the plotline at all. There're no mafia bosses and stuff like that. Gokudera and Tsuna are just normal guys. Also, this is written weirdly, since I was in a strange mood.

EDIT: 6.27 - I went back and fixed some typos. This is what happens when my work goes unbeta'd

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Reborn (or, as Shirley likes to say, Katekyo Hotman Reporn), but I do own this storyline.

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Love Like A Brother, Love Like A Man

Chapter 1

How It Began

---

We grew up together yet apart, me and my insane sister living next door to Tsuna and his forgetful mother in a nice, quiet, suburban town.

I didn't like him much to start.

I was two years older, and, to me, he was a little sissy, all sugar-coated innocence and naïveté. He didn't do well in school, he was bad at sports, and there didn't seem to be anything special about him. He lived under the social radar, him and his little group of friends, yet he still tried to get noticed. Not a particularly interesting guy.

But, then again, I didn't really know the kid.

His mom had him young, while she was still in her teens, to an older man who never did right by her. She was a part-time florist at a shop within walking distance but always took her time coming home. She seemed to be living somewhere else, like in another world apart from our own, just walking around plugged into her iPod like it was some kind of lifeline.

She had a big, gooey heart, though. Every Friday, at 5:30 pm, she'd appear on our doorstep without fail, holding fresh-baked cookies or cakes from the store three blocks away. It was the neighborly thing to do, and she kept on bringing us treats even though we never gave her anything in return.

Somehow, someway, she was under the impression that I was a good boy. Back then, that couldn't have been farther from the truth. She probably wasn't exactly right in the head, but she was a good person.

But, well, I guess she wasn't that strange compared to Bianchi. She was bipolar, and more than once people told her to get help for her condition, but she refused. Whenever she cooked, it was always inedible and most likely poisonous, so we lived off of cheap, greasy takeout. She was irresponsible and downright scary, but, honestly, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I didn't know much about our parents. All I knew was that they died when I was too young to remember and Bianchi refused to say more.

We lived with kind of a truce between our two dysfunctional families. We were polite, but not friendly; kind but not caring; we lived in close proximity but there was no closeness of the heart.

Then, his mother died.

I guess she wasn't paying attention, forgetful as always.

I guess the driver wasn't paying attention either, or maybe he was just drunk.

She was crossing the street, walking home from her part-time job, plugged into that iPod as always, just bobbing her head and forgetting all about the cars that swerved and screeched to keep from running her over. But, one shiny black SUV with a drunken driver wasn't so careful.

The cops came and took care of it all, and the neighbors all came to comfort Tsuna. Me and my sisters stood awkwardly to the side as they all discussed what to do with the stricken brown-eyed boy with reluctant tears in his eyes. I knew Tsuna didn't like crying and he didn't like being quiet. He was loud and abrasive and annoying at times, almost in a comical way. But, right then, losing everything he had ever known, there had been an age-old sadness and acceptance in his big brown eyes. He had no relatives that were willing to take him since his mother had been the disgrace of the family. Tsuna's family was an old, prestigious family with even older money. The Sawadas had turned the other cheek on Tsuna's promiscuous mother and wanted little reminder of her existance.

The cops and people from child services had no other choice. They were going to send him into foster care.

It was then that I stepped forward.

I don't know what possessed me in that moment, but it was me that said that we, Bianchi and I, would gladly take Tsuna in. They asked us where our income came from, and I told them that Bianchi worked as a food critic for the local newspaper and bartended at a club in the city six miles north and that I worked part time as a waiter in the little diner three blocks away.

They asked more questions before deciding that Tsuna would live with us. His family, the Sawada family, would send money to him and would take care of selling his mom's condo and give the money from that sale to Tsuna as well.

So, he came to live in our home.

But, the worse part was that he came to live in my room, as well.

---

Then, he was a middle school student.

Now, we're both in high school.

It was awkward as hell; teenage hormones and all that. Sharing the bathroom was pretty bad considering I had to give up parading around in the comfort of my birthday suit since he'd always look at me strangely with those scared bunny-rabbit eyes. Also, the guy took forever in the bathroom before bed and blew through his morning routine, leaving the bathroom a mess for me.

It was weird living with a guy like him. He looked up to me, that much I could tell, but he still kept things from me and Bianchi. He'd come home every day with bruises he explained with useless excuses like "Oh, I fell down the stairs" and "I just tripped, is all".

…could the ground really split your lip and give you a black eye?

He was getting bullied, that much I knew.

And, strangely enough, I'd started to like the boy enough to care. Sure, the guy was clumsy and grated on my nerves at times, but he was like a little brother to me.

It was completely by accident that I found him as his bullies, three older guys that were more like mountains than boys, grabbed his arms to administer what looked like a daily beating. They were in the lower field, taunting Tsuna about something, a secret that he kept close to his heart.

"Take it like a man, Tsuna, or else we'll tell everyone about that shameful little secret you keep to yourself." One of the boys grabbed Tsuna by his silken brown hair, breathing hot and heavy into his face. "You wouldn't want that, would you? He'd hate you even more if he recognized you for what you are: a disgusting gay pansy in love with a guy you can never have," a sneer twisted his features, making him even uglier than before, "especially when he realizes that the guy you love is him." The biggest one laughed, raising a fist. The two others, followers, snickered and held him in place.

Tsuna had looked so small and so frail beside them. They were bulky mountains of muscle and he was skinny and weak. His hair had seemed to droop sadly into his eyes; eyes that were filled with an acceptance of what they were going to do to him. Those chocolate eyes had been lowered, long lashes throwing spiked shadows across his peachy cheekbones. There might've been moisture in his eyes.

But Tsuna hated crying.

He looked broken as the biggest boy raised his fist.

He looked like a fallen angel.

He deserved so much better.

The fist fell, sinking deep into the soft flesh of Tsuna's cheek.

I saw red.

The three thugs never knew what hit them.

They were, of course, no match for me. I took them down in three seconds flat. They ran, panic and fear widening their beady little eyes, swearing to never come back as long as I stayed away.

Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.

Tsuna was on his knees, eyes unfocused and shocked. "What did you hear?" He choked out, tears shimmering in his bright brown eyes. He had finally broken.

I said nothing.

"How much did you hear?!" He shouted, desperation giving his voice a steely edge as the tears started to fall. He wiped them away, angry at himself, angry at the world, angry at me.

"Nothing, Tsuna," I lied. "Nothing at all." I didn't think, then, that the man Tsuna loved was me. I didn't think much at all, really.

All I could really think was that the only thing more beautiful than Tsuna's eyes while crying was his eyes when he smiled.

But I wasn't going to tell him that.

Because I had just realized a shameful secret of my own.

I loved him.

---

Bianchi exploded when we got home.

She'd always had a soft spot for cute things, and Tsuna was nothing if not cute. She'd always loved pretty things, too, and Tsuna was probably prettier than Bianchi herself.

Screeching swears in what sounded like five different languages, she grabbed her jacket and slammed out the door, the tires of her car protesting loudly as she sped off to the school, burning rubber as she went.

"…well, she took that well." Tsuna said quietly, almost resignedly. "Why did you tell her?" His eyes bore into me, colder than I'd ever seen them. This wasn't the Tsuna I knew.

I sighed, annoyed. "She deserves to know, Tsuna. It's the school's job to keep stuff like this from happening."

"Are you my mother?" Tsuna demanded, anger in his eyes and steel in his voice.

"No, Tsuna, isn't at least that much obvious?" I snapped.

"Then why are you acting like you are?" He was really angry now. "I never asked for you to stop them, damn it!"

"So you expected me to stand there and watch?" My voice was rising, but I was past caring. Tsuna glared sullenly. I shook my head. "You know what? I need a smoke."

I left him, just like that, to go outside, walking aimlessly after digging out a cigarette. Tsuna brought out a side of me that I thought had disappeared long ago. He made me the rash, emotional boy I had been. I'd spent countless days, countless years, schooling my emotions and teaching myself how to deal with them maturely only to have Tsuna show up and waste my efforts. I didn't want to be blinded by emotions again. I'd worked so hard to grow up fast, and Tsuna made me the stupid kid I once was.

He made me want to care for him.

He made me want to love him.

And that was more dangerous than he would ever know.

---

I guess that my greatest fear was that Tsuna would stop needing me.

Bianchi left for Italy to chase the man of her dreams the second I turned eighteen. It was then that I found competition for Tsuna's heart. It hurt enough to know, or to think I knew, that he loved another, but when Yamamoto entered our lives, it hurt all the more. Tsuna and Yamamoto became best friends, and every day Tsuna would come home with stories to tell. All of them were about Yamamoto, and all of them were riddled with compliments.

It was then that my greatest fear came to life.

Yamamoto took over my job. He protected Tsuna, cared for Tsuna, was a friend to Tsuna, maybe even loved Tsuna.

Yamamoto was a brother and a best friend.

I was an unwanted mother hen.

Yamamoto was one of those people everyone adored. He was a little disgruntled at first, unused to my attitude towards him. He was an easygoing guy who wasn't all that great when it came to academics. But, he was a star athlete who was liked by all. He came over frequently since he and Tsuna seemed to be partners for everything. But, two hopeless sophomores working together on a complicated Science project equaled one big mess and an intervention by yours truly.

But, I guess it was worth it, to see the relief and gratitude in beautiful brown eyes.

But, then again, I would do anything for that sweet, innocent smile.

---

"Tsuna, you can't keep him." I tapped my foot, irritated. I squinted my eyes at the subject of my scrutiny, frowning.

"And why not?" Tsuna demanded, cradling that… _thing _against his chest.

"Tsuna," I sighed, exasperated, "you don't go around picking animals up off of the streets. That little fluff ball is probably carrying millions of diseases." I wrinkled my nose at it the way I'd seen Bianchi do countless times before.

"Are you, Fluffers?" Tsuna questioned dotingly, peering into the little creature's enormous emerald eyes. "No, of course you're not. You're too cute to carry diseases." The cat that seemed confused as to its species, seeing as it thought it was a dog, began enthusiastically licking at every inch of skin it could get at, squealing and squirming and mewling. He mauled Tsuna, showering him with affection.

"'Fluffers'?" I asked, incredulous. "You're naming that dust bunny Fluffers?" Yes, Tsuna and that little kitten made the cutest picture, but I was doing this for his own safety.

"Well, what would you name him?" He countered, more than a little haughty. He put the tiny little kitten on his shoulder, the two of them staring me down with the same annoyed, superior expression. The little kitten scrambled into Tsuna's messy hair, creating a little nest for himself in hair a few shades darker and browner than his own fur. He licked at his paw, regarding me thoughtfully with his eerily green eyes.

I looked around the room. Sink…? No. Green beans…? Definitely not. Rake…? Didn't that mean some womanizer from way back when? Bucket…? Yes! Perfect!

"I can see the wheels turning in your head." Tsuna remarked dryly, less than happy with me. He reached up to pet the cat that seemed to be creating a permanent residence in his hair. The cat purred, rubbing his cheek against Tsuna's hand, his entire body vibrating with the force of his pleasured purring.

"Bucket," I said suddenly, out of the blue.

"What?" He was cuddling the orange hair ball protectively having somehow extracted it from his hair. "There is no way I'm naming him Bucket." The kitten's tiny little head perked up at the word Bucket, turning to regard Tsuna with big, adoring eyes, mewling expectantly. "…Oh, great, now he's responding to it!"

I grinned a little, the kitten already growing on me. "Here, Bucket," I crooned, "here, kitty-kitty, here Bucket." The marmalade kitten cringed away from me, frantically clawing at Tsuna's chest to get away and up into the safe haven that was Tsuna's hair.

Tsuna stuck out his tongue in victory.

He was even cuter than the kitten.

---

The roof of the school was my thinking place. The cool night air, washing over me, icy and refreshing, burning my lungs but clearing my mind. The stars twinkling above me, so far away and unreachable, so wise, laughing at my predicament… And then there was the moon, cool and calm, a perfect poker face hanging in the sky, a sliver of supple silver standing out against the black heavens.

I'd slip away after Tsuna and Bucket (an admittedly stupid name for a cat, but rather endearing, actually) fell asleep every night to think about Tsuna, to think about myself, and to think about us, if there even was an 'us'.

Sure, he was only two years younger, but he felt so small to me. Or maybe I just felt old. He seemed so innocent and so sweet. I didn't want to destroy that. But, if I didn't, someone else, most likely Yamamoto, would.

It would kill me if that were to happen.

So, maybe it would be worth trying, even at the price of destroying what we had.

Some risks are worth taking.

But others aren't.

---

Tsuna had been acting increasingly awkward around me, blushing for no reason when I looked at him and stammering when we talked. He was either avoiding me or asking to spend more time with me, and sometimes he was deathly silent in my presence or he started babbling just to fill the quiet.

It was cute and all, but a little weird.

It was only after a few weeks that I realized what his weird behavior could mean.

And, even then, I was too scared to do anything about it.

I mean, you don't walk up to the guy you've been a big brother to for years and ask him if he harbors any awkward, man-loving feelings for you. It's not an everyday topic of conversation, that's a given. So, there really weren't any ways to breach the subject.

But it had to be done by one of us.

And it was probably going to have to be me.

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A/N: Review, please. Chapter Two will be out in maybe a week or so...


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